November 22, 2023
In the classic divorce movie, War of the Roses, one of the attorneys advises his client to settle, stating, “There is no winning. Only degrees of losing.” While this can be true, reframing your thought process and approach to reaching a settlement in your case to reach a mutually satisfactory settlement will save you time, money and stress. The word satisficing is a portmanteau of sacrificing and satisfying. So, how do you reach a satisfying settlement in your divorce? Our friends at Flat Fee Divorce Solutions answer these common questions below.
- Put aside the winner-take-all mentality, as well as a desire to hurt your soon-to-be-ex.
It is important to remember that divorce is not a competition. There is no winner or loser. It is simply the end of a marriage. It is important to focus on what is best for you, and to avoid trying to hurt your soon-to-be-ex. This may be difficult, but it is important to remember that you will be co-parenting with this person for many years to come. It is better to have a good relationship with your ex-spouse than to have a bad one. Additionally, if you purposefully act to hurt your soon-to-be-ex, there is a higher likelihood they will respond with emotion and not logic, trying to strike back at you.
- Figure out what is your best resolution and your worst-case outcome. An experienced divorce attorney can help you outline your worst-case, along with the costs.
It is important to be realistic about what you can expect to achieve in your divorce. What is the best outcome you can hope for? What is the worst outcome you can imagine? Once you have a good understanding of your best and worst-case outcomes, you can start to think about what you are willing to sacrifice in order to reach a settlement.
- Reflect on how your worst-case outcome will affect your life.
It is important to take some time to reflect on how your worst-case outcome would affect your life. What would it be like to lose your house? To have to pay a lot of alimony? To have limited custody of your children? Once you have a good understanding of the impact of your worst-case outcome, you may be more willing to compromise in order to reach a settlement.
- Now that you understand how the worst-case outcome will affect you, determine your must-haves, your like-to-haves and the terms that you could care less about. Make a list.
- It is also important to think about what your soon-to-be-ex wants. What is their best-case outcome? What terms do they need to have in order to settle? What do they want to have but are not willing to fight for? Once you have a good understanding of your soon-to-be-ex’s wants and needs, you can start to think about how to compromise
- With each of the must-haves, consider what you will sacrifice to get that included in your divorce. Once you know what your must-haves are, it is time to start thinking about what you are willing to sacrifice in order to get them. If you want the house, but your soon-to-be-ex wants the newer car, would you be willing to give up the car? It is important to be flexible and willing to compromise in order to reach a settlement.
- With each of your soon-to-be-ex’s must haves, figure out what they are likely to sacrifice to reach them. Then decide if you think you can accept those.
- Once you have a good idea of what you’re willing to give up to reach a settlement and what your soon-to-be-ex is willing to also give up, you should have a list of negotiable items.
- Review your list with your attorney. As you do, try to dispassionately advise yourself what you might suggest your best friend or family member do.
As you work on this, here are a few additional tips:
- Be willing to compromise. Neither of you is going to get everything you want, so be prepared to give and take.
- Be realistic. Don’t ask for something that you know your soon-to-be-ex is not going to agree to.
- Be prepared to walk away. If you can’t reach a satisfactory settlement, it’s better to walk away than to agree to something that you’re not happy with.
- Be honest with yourself and your attorney about your priorities. What is most important to you in the divorce? Once you know what your priorities are, you can focus on those areas and be more flexible on other issues.
- Be patient. Negotiations can take time. Don’t expect to reach a settlement overnight.
- Be respectful of your soon-to-be-ex. Even if you’re angry at them, it’s important to treat them with respect during the negotiation process. This will make it more likely that you’ll be able to reach a settlement.
Remember, the goal is to reach a satisfying settlement, not a perfect one. If you can both walk away from the divorce feeling like you got a fair deal, then you’ve been successful.
